22 November 2009 Comments

Forever grateful

A lot of my coworkers have little children or are about to have a child.  This has had me thinking about my parents.

My parents dedicated their lives to make sure that I have the life I have.

I was born in 1971.  At this time a lot of parents were advised to have their disabled child checked in an institution so they can get the ‘care’ they need.   Parents were told to not have high hopes as their was not much hope in the world for a disabled person. They  chose the path that no one dared to travel.  They were committed for me to have a life.  A life with highs and lows.  A life of love and heartbreaks.  A life of laughing and crying. A life of success and mistakes.  A life to the fullest.  A life I can call my own.

I’m grateful for your numerous battles with school boards who were not ready to accept me.

I’m grateful for you being a hard ass by making me work all hours of the night to one finger type my assignments.

I’m grateful that you didn’t make excuses for me.

I’m grateful that you helped me build an armor shield that I would need to depend on when you weren’t around.

I’m grateful for the many hours you spent with me in the hospital rooms telling me the pain would not be forever.

I’m grateful for all the sacrifices you made to buy the special equipment I needed.

I’m grateful for everything I have now.

You did an amazing job in raising someone who is a husband, who is a brother, who is an uncle, who is a son-inlaw, brother-in-law, uncle, and co-worker.  You did an awesome job raising Dave.

We had stairs in our house while growing.  Stairs that were a huge obstacle for me.  Despite asking my dad many times to build a ramp he never did.  For the longest time I thought it was because he couldn’t be bothered.  A week before he died he told me that the reason why he never built the ramp was because he would not always be around to build ramps for me in this world…so I needed to be prepared to climb for myself.

For those of you that have children or are about to have a child, remember it’s not the material things you give them, it’s not about knowing all the right things to do, it’s about giving them the opportunity to experience a full life.

I think I’m going to call my mom right now.

Until next time…

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  • Tracy
    Dave - while I am never surprised by the depth and breadth of the emotions you can stir in a person with your writing, this one made my throat catch a little bit. This is beautiful and oh so true - and I'm so unbelievably grateful to have you in my life. Lots of Love.
  • Dale A.
    Dave, I really needed that as a parent right now...sometimes as a parent, you just want to make all the bad stuff go away. It's harder to let them make their own mistakes and fight for their own character. It must have killed your Dad to not build that ramp. My kid is 18 (say no more!) so I guess I just have to be patient and wait for the time that mom is smart again ! :-)

    Take care!
  • TanyaFerguson
    Hi Dave:
    I was not born with a disability but instead developed syringomyelia it in my twenties. Just as adulthood was beginning. However, I really have to say that how my folks raised me really has played a role in helping me stay myself as my disease progresses. I often find myself getting caught up in the daily struggle with getting my physical body to do the things I need to do to lead a normal life. My biggest hurdle can sometimes be the emotional struggle to conquer the fear as the disease progresses. I had a strong emotional tug when I read your post to thank my parents and even more my husband who has been my rock in the struggle to not let disability stomp out the light in my soul or to change who I am fundementally.This is a great blog!!!
  • an old hon bro...
    ...and here I promised myself I wouldn't cry...

    Dave, you have always been the strongest in heart and mind that I have ever known, and getting to know your mom and dad, I totally understand how you got to be the person you are.
  • terrenceawrey
    I also have to agree and thank Dave’s parents as well for all of those important life lessons that he has passed on. As my mentor, I owe him my entire career… thanks Dave. Now I’m going to call your mom as well :p
  • jerrydurant
    I am so glad that you have found this forum as a way of sharing your incredible and rich story about life. While not physically impaired I have come to realized that I to have a handicap, and this is the inability to appreciate those little things in life that we all take for granted. Thank you David for making me come to this realization.

    You are a great guy and you have inspired me. Keep up the good work, take care of your health, and always remain in contact.
  • Mamasmurf
    I grew up disabled myself although to a lesser degree -I was born at 31 weeks in 1975 - blue baby - only survived because a brilliant pediatrician decided to try the last thing in his arsenal when nothing else worked - god bless that man for trying because I know at that time, there are many doctors who wouldn't have under the circumstances. I have CP too but am able to walk albeit not gracefully. My parents put me in everything when I was growing up- I did gymnastics and dance (badly), Tae Kwon Do, I ran track - I almost always came in last in everything but there was nothing that my parents kept me out of. My parents pushed me hard in school too, never letting me fall back on any excuse. I thank them so much for that. I will never be a pro athlete or an athlete at all really but I learned that I can do anything anybody else can do and I learned that success is not tied to first place or being on top, rather it is tied to doing one's best and fighting the good fight win or lose. There were painful moments - my childhood was not an easy one, but it was an amazing one. I am who I am today because my parents raised me under the assumption that I could do whatever I set my mind to - and I have lived up to their expectations. Thank you for this post - it truly touched my heart.
  • What a great read!
  • Sylvain
    Great Post Dave.
    I feel the same way about my parents. I'm just a few years older than you, and I was the first kid (and the only kid) in a wheelchair at my grade school and my high school. It had not been done. And it was a risk. My parents, like yours, allowed me to have as close to a normal life path as possible. I credit them for the life I have now.
    Some of the credit is owed to the John McGivney Children's Center (formerly the Children's Rehabilitation Centre) Their guidance and advice was a huge factor in the decisions that were made for me at a young age. They instilled in me and in my family all the values that led to the full life I have now.
    Not being sheltered gave us the tools to deal with life the way life was going to be for us, and we are not "socially challenged". Well, I'm not anyway. LOL. :-)

    And If a may, a shameless plug: I've now been on the board at the John McGivney Children's Centre for over 10 years. I'm not sure if you know Dave, but we are in the middle of a $16 rebuild/expansion. It's almost complete and we are set to move back in the spring. If any of your readers care to donate to the cause, please go to http://www.jmccentre.ca/ and learn more. Thanks.
  • Sylvain
    Umm..clearly I meant $16 million. Not $16. lol
  • nana02
    Good one Davey Dame!!!!
  • Kelly
    As always, awesome post ....Love you
  • Jennifer M.
    Thanks Dave for sharing this story. As someone who is about to have a child, its a great reminder of what really matters in life :)
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