My profile was pretty straightforward, 30 something professional with Cerebral Palsy…  I figured being open would discard people that could not accept someone with CP.  When we eventually met I could not say, “Funniest thing happened right before you came…I came down with the Palsy”.

I immediately filtered out any profile without a picture or had a ‘glamour shot’ picture. I quickly came to discover that Glamour Shots was fool’s gold.  I came across the profile that would change the rest of my life…I came across the one that someday would become my wife.

We began chatting on the phone everyday for a month.  Her 3^rd question out of the gate was “Can you have sex?”…I like the way she was thinking from the start!  As you all know from my previous post of Davey Day, all is good under the hood.  As a side, it’s funny how many people ask my wife if we can have sex.  Her response always is “Do you think I would have married him if he couldn’t?”  To think I thought it was my charm & wit that hooked her…

We shared a lot of intimate & heart-warming conversations about ourselves.  After a month we planned our first date.  In excitement we moved our date up a day, as we really wanted to see each other in person.

We planned to have her pick me up at my mom’s place.  To provide a little background, I was staying at my mother’s place at the time because there was 2 months in between the closing of my 1^st house until I got possession of my 2^nd house.

We finally saw each other face to face.  This amazing lady is real.  After a brief chat and introducing her to my mom…we were on our way.  Like other first dates I had to give her a crash course in ‘Davey 101’.  This included how to walk Davey, fold his chair to put it into the car etc.  I wined and dined her by taking her to Kelsey’s.  That’s right…I’m frugal!  As she was helping me back into the car I decided to plant a first kiss as we were standing (I knew at my mom’s there would be no ‘alone’ time).  Either she was going to kiss me back or let me fall to the ground.  Luckily for me she didn’t think she could pick me back up.  After the date we confirmed plans to get together the following night.

The following day we called each other as we always did over the past month.  This time however, she was crying.  She said that me having a disability would be too much for her to accept, that she needed someone who was more independent and could take care of her.  This was difficult for me to hear.  I reminded her that I already have lived on my own for 10 years where she had never left her nest at home.  I thought it was totally unfair for her to judge me about independence.  She expressed interest to ‘still be friends’.  My response was ‘I already have a surplus as friends so if we were not going to progress beyond friendship then I wish her well in her search for her special someone’.  Despite being calm and cool on the phone I was broken up inside.    I had a number of relationships before but she was different…she was already in my heart.  Despite my feelings of anger, sadness, and emptiness I had to put my clown face on to shield my mom from my pain.  I knew while growing up that my mom would be devastated when she would see me frustrated and angry when my disability would negatively impact me from life’s pleasures.

Two days went by without speaking.  Then she called.  She said I was already in her heart and would love to see me again.  The prince, on a power chair as opposed to a horse, rode off with his princess.

Neither of us is perfect…but we are perfect for each other.

Until next time…

The most common question people have about someone with a disability is if they can have sex.  Let’s put it this way, I didn’t go through my vasectomy for a good time.  However, this question was always in the back of the mind of  everyone I dated.  Over time I wanted to have my opening line be, “Hi, I’m Dave…and I can do it”.  I can disappoint a lady just as well as my walking peeps can.

I didn’t start dating until later in high school.  I had to wait until girls got their driver’s license.  I realize that dating a disabled guy might not be considered cool, but having my mom drive would have made it worse.  My mom’s singing along to her 8-track of Glen Campbell singing ‘Rhinestone Cowboy’ would not have set the right mood for the date.

Caveman used clubs to begin their courtship.  Our generation used mixed tapes.  I know I’m going to get heckled about admitting this…but I’m sure I wasn’t alone in doing this in high school.  When looks are not your selling point, nothing sealed the deal like spending hours making a mixed tape that included  ’In your Eyes’ and ‘Somebody’ for that special lady.  If you were smart, you used your dual tape deck to make multiple copies of this love potion in case that week’s attempt didn’t workout.

When preparing for a date I would think ahead to what I might say.  Obviously she isn’t going to be interested with my boring self…so I have to portray what I would be like if I was interesting.   I guess telling her that I scored 4 touchdowns in the high school championship would be a stretch…

In addition to this I would have to manage how much I drank during the day.  No,  not ‘liquid courage’ but ANY fluid.  I would quit drinking anything at 2pm for a 6pm date.  I didn’t want to take the chance that the restaurant washroom wasn’t accessible, and asking her to help me might be considered a perverted request.  Gigity!  Alternatively, wetting my pants would not likely lead to a second date (unless I was lucky enough to connect with her freshly after a really bad relationship).

I did not use my wheelchair on dates too often.  Since I’m able to walk with assistance, I would have my date walk me.  Something I discovered while dating, and verified over my 5 years of marriage,  that women do not wear practical shoes out.  Walking me is usually easy…unless you are wearing 4 inch heels.   It was like being walked  along a tight rope.  Having my date walk me assured that at least we would hold hands during our date.  Who’s got game?  Davey’s got game. Plus, I got to make sure she didn’t have ‘man hands’.

In an attempt to be independent I would always order chicken fingers so I would not have to ask her to cut my meat up.  Chicken fingers is one of the last socially acceptable thing to pick up and eat with your fingers.  The fact that chicken fingers were on the menu tells you the type of places I would bring my dates too.  Shut up, I’m frugal.

We have all been exposed to being on a date where the other person will talk your ear off over the most uninteresting things imaginable.  When this happened to me, she would say, “You are such a great listener”.  Not really…I just can’t walk away.  Falling out of the booth and crawling away might have given her the hint.

Even though dating was excruciating, I would not change anything  After a long time playing this game, I finally won my soul mate.

Until next time…